Ever since I broke up with my boyfriend of almost 7 years, I often get asked whether I am happier now. They usually ask this with a pitiful look on their face and this makes me soooooo angry! I mean, I chose to be single and while it wasn´t an easy decision (most of our friends believed we were "in it for life") it certainly was the right one.
It was a relatively clean breakup and there are no bad feelings (I can only speak for myself obviously) and we still run into each other occasionally and it´s not a problem. I am still in contact with most of his family (which is something that one of my closest friends doesn´t get, but that is a different story for another day!) and "his" friends, many of which have equally become my friends. What I really want to say is, while I have no reason to trash talk him or our relationship, the longer I am single, the more things I notice that just weren´t possible before. For instance, I started taking Zumba classes on saturdays with a friend. A year ago, this would have launched into a huge discussion of how I dare do something without him and we never do things together and so on...
Please bear in mind, this coming from a man who loves soccer (watching, not playing) and is a huge fan of a local club and will go to every home game and some others if the drive is reasonable, usually on saturdays or sundays... I never said anything against this, because I think a person is entitled to his own free time to do whatever he or she enjoys, which is also why those discussions never stopped me from doing what I wanted to do.
The thing is: it never came to my mind to take dance classes or something else. It was really my own fault that I always put off doing things I thought I might enjoy, because I was sick and tired of those discussions. Don´t get me wrong, I never neglected my own friends or stopped sewing, knitting or whatever, but I didn´t even think about doing other social stuff like dance classes, learning to play another instrument (I play piano and a little bit of saxophone and would really like to learn how to play cello!) etc.
And now that I have no obligations to anyone but myself (ok, there´s work, my family and other stuff, but you get the idea), I´ve got so much more energy to get my a** off the couch and do stuff, it´s amazing! And it feels great.
I also think that it shows in the way you carry yourself and how other people see you.
The second question is always: "are you seeing anyone new?"
And this one makes me just as angry as the first, because first of all, it is nobody elses business and second of all, why does everybody think a person is defined by his/her partner.
Nobody seems to understand that I didn´t break up with the guy over someone new and if (by chance) they get that, then they believe that my highest priority would be finding another partner... WTF?????
Ok, this turned out longer than I anticipated but it´s nice to get some of those chaotic thoughts down in writing...